10 Questions to Ask Your Engaged Friend to show you care

When someone gets engaged, everyone asks the same things:

• “Have you picked a date?”

• “Do you know where you’re getting married?”

• “Have you looked at venues yet?”

Questions like these can immediately send brides-to-be into a spiral of "OMG I can't believe I don't have everything planned yet". This is the exact opposite of what you intended it to be. If you want to be a genuinely supportive friend (or bridesmaid), the goal isn’t to extract wedding details — it’s to make her feel seen and empowered to make her own choices.

Here are 10 questions that do exactly that.

1. “What part of the planning process are you most dreading?"

Purpose: Acknowledge that engagement is not all rainbows and butterflies. It lets them name anxiety out loud, which often reduces it and signals that you’re a safe person to vent to.

2. “How do you envision your wedding day?”

Purpose: Grounds the conversation in their values and overall vision, not details. It helps them reconnect with the “why” before the stress.

3. “What do you want people to feel when they leave your wedding?”

Purpose: This often reveals what truly matters versus what’s just noise and can serve as her compass to make this emotion come alive at the wedding.

4. “Are there any traditions you want to break but are afraid to?”

Purpose: Opens space for honesty about pressure and expectations without judgment. Give her the encouragement to follow her heart.

5. What would make this whole process feel lighter?

Purpose: Helps you know what you could do (or not do) to help. Follow up with "How can I help?"

6. How are you handling the pressure to make other people happy?

Purpose: Validates a very real emotional burden. This will give her the space to decompress and pick certain hills to die on.

7. Has there been anything you and your partner have struggled to agree on?

Purpose: Gives them the opportunity to reflect on the decision making process and its effect on their romantic engagement. Give her some cute date ideas to keep the spark alive in this stressful time.

8. What have you done so far?

Purpose: Gives them a moment to acknowledge progress, which can be grounding and confidence-boosting.

💡Can I really save her from becoming a bridezilla?

Every bride-to-be is prone to losing her mind. It's pretty natural given the circumstances (Plenty of high-risk-highly-expensive choices to make can do that to any human being.)

Make sure you're there for her. Do some check-ins. Also, if you don't want to have to console your friend at 2 a.m. because she's crying over napkin colors, consider buying her my book, "Mostly Rational Bride". Backed by behavioral science, it prepares even the most unhinged bridezilla for the roller coaster that is wedding planning. Worth it.